Parenthood

Ryan and I were having a chat the other day about parenting methods. This was partly as a result of watching some of the moms and kids at playgroup and partly because we had been reading an article about the "biggest mistakes parents make." Needless to say, we didn't agree with much of the article. I personally have come to the conclusion that most of the parenting advice out there is either written by someone who never had kids or by someone who raised little monsters and suggests doing the exact opposite of everything they did. I say most but not all because there is at least one book I would reccommend and that is Stark Raving Dad!: A Fairly Functional Guide to Fatherhood by Dave Meurer. I know the title says it is specific to fatherhood but I think it applies to Motherhood as well. Alas, I digress. As a result of our observations and purusings of ridiculous parenting nonsense, Ryan made the quip that we were probably more qualified to give advice on parenting. He figures that with all I've learned from my parents, our combined no nonsense outlook on parenting, the gospel, and good old-fashioned common sense, we have a leg up on most people. Maybe he's right. I can't say for certain as our kids are still young and it is going to be years before we see the results of our parenting methods. That being said, I did think that it would be interesting to record our current parenting outlook and methods, so here goes nothing.

1. The Parenting Manual. Most people will tell you that there is no one parenting manual or website that you can use and apply for all children at all ages. This is crap. There is a perfect parenting manual. This is called The Scriptures. Don't believe me? Try it! Any parenting problem, the answer is there. Here are just a few examples:

• Q: What things should we be teaching our children?
  A: D&C 68:25-30 and Mosiah 4:15



• Q: Should we discipline our children?
  A: Proverbs 23:13 and Proverbs 13:24



• Q: What should we feed our children?
  A: D&C 89



• Q: When is a child ready to be potty trained?
  A: Ecclesiastes 3:1



• Q: How should we deal with a child that screams bloody murder everytime you bathe him? A: Isaiah 1:16; 2 Corinthians 7:1; 1 Thessalonians 5:14



• Q: How to we help our children make the correct choices?
  A: Proverbs 22:6
  


• Q: Is it acceptable for children to fight?
  A: Mosiah 4:14-15

My point is that you just need to look for it. The answers are all there no matter how big or small the issue is.

2. Express your love. This should be a no-brainer but I have discovered that there are many families that don't. Children should be told and shown multiple times a day that you love them. They don't just assume that you do. In fact, I've found that children you do not here the words "I love you" regularly, tend to make the assumption that their parents either don't care or actually hate them. Children of every age need to hear that affirmation of love from their parents no matter their age. My 2 year old and my 7 month old need to hear it from me and Ryan just as much as I, a grown woman, need to hear it from both of my parents. Children should be cuddled and hugged and kissed and patted.

3. Establish an open relationship with your children. This should also be a no-brainer but it never ceases to amaze me how many parents have little or no relationship with each of their children. Part of being a family should be about having open channels of communication. This should start when children are young. Children should feel comfortable coming to their parents with any problem. They should be comfortable talking to their parents about any subject. Parents should share personal stories and experiences with their children. Parents should listen to children do the same about their own lives. Parents should also know their children's friends and intrests. When you have an open relationship with a child, he/she will come to you and trust you.

4. Discipline. I feel this is fitting coming after having an open relationship with your children because you don't want a relationship so open that you are no longer a parent. Discipline helps balance the scale. Now, there are several methods uesd for disciplining children but not all are effective. In fact, if they aren't effective, they probably shouldn't fall in the catagory of discipline. For example, have you ever come across a parent whose method of discipline is simply yelling at their child. I have never seen this be effective as a means of discipline. It may frighten a young child the first few times but they will soon catch on that you are doing nothing more than blow hot air. A child will learn nothing from being yelled at all the time. To be effective, discipline should teach a child that what he/she has done was wrong and that when he/she does something wrong, there are consequences. Time outs, loss of privilages, and grounding can be very effective when done right. Also, a swat on the bum can be an effective means of getting a childs attention or getting them to realize the severity of their actions.

5. Sense of Humor. There are two aspects to this one; laughing at children and laughing at self. Sometimes children do naughty things with hilarious results. I'm not talking about when children do bad things. I mean when they do something just a little naughty. For example, Nolan thought it was really cool that I was putting orajel on Shelby, so when I wasn't looking, Nolan snagged the orajel and went to practice putting it on his cars. When I found him, he had orajel all over his cars and on his sheets and all over his hands. Now, was this really something worth being upset about? No. Besides he was so proud of himself for giving Lightening McQueen orajel. Instead I had a good chuckle and then let Nolan know that orajel is only for Shelby and not Lightening McQueen since he already has all of his teeth. Sometimes it is better to be able to laugh about something silly in order to make it an effective teaching opportunity. Nolan has yet to try orajel on anything else. It is also important for a parent to laugh at him/her self. Parents often forget that much of parenting is trial and error and parents make several mistakes along the way. Parents need to be able to laugh at the mistakes made or parenting becomes tedious and unpleasant. When parenting becomes a chore, parents begin inevitibly to fail at parenting. In other words, laugh and laugh often.

6. Be a Parent. I mentioned this concept briefly already. It is essential to succesfull parenting that parents actively parent. The parent is supposed to be the resposible party in a parent/child relationship. That means the parent should know who, what, when, where, why, and how when it comes to the children. Yes, we all want our children to like us. Trust me, children will like parents more when parents make and enforce rules, dole out rewards and punishments and take the time to be involved in their children's lives. Children want and need thise things. Children may not understand that while they are young, but in the big scheme of things, they will appreciate it.

7. No perfect parents: All parents should remember that, aside from our Heavenly Father, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We may have moments of perfection, but we will also make plenty of mistakes. Don't be discouraged because of a bad day or a moment of weakness. Instead, acknowledge the mistake and learn from it. Don't compare yourself to other parents. Just strive to do your best day after day.

8. Play with kids: I saved the best for last. Enjoy your children. Play with them every chance you get. Sometimes parents lose sight of what is most important. The next time your son wants to go play catch or your daughter wants you to play dress-ups, go do it. The laundry and dishes can wait. They aren't going anywhere. Your children are. Take advantadge of every moment you can.